Monday, October 11, 2010

Sapporo Ichiban Noodles

Category: Wheat Food
Sub-Category: Noodles
Colour: Beige-White, but Brown after flavour packet is added

Well, it's been just over a week since my last post. My apologies, stuff happened and I just plain didn't feel like posting anything. Sorries. Anywhoo, this post is all about Sapporo Ichiban noodles. Love 'em, they're delicious and they're one of my staple semi-healthy to healthy snack/meal foods. Curious what the others are? (No you say, but I tell you anyway) They're chips and salsa, cereal, toast, and hummus and pita. Good times with tasty food. Anyways, here's a picture of the noodles:


So good, so tasty. I'll now tell you the preparation procedure for cooking these noodles properly (my way properly): First, pour 1 cup of water into a pan and set it under high heat. Wait for it to come to a boil, then add the noodles. When the noodles soften, stir them with a fork or something akin to a fork (spork?). Keep stirring and breaking them apart now and again until they're tender-ish and the water is close to gone. Then add the flavour packed and mix together. Lastly, when the water is just about all gone, add the dried seaweed bits (yes it comes with dried seaweed bits!). Mix that up and pour it into a bowl or whatever you want to eat it out of. I honestly couldn't care less. Then eat it! It's delicious! :D

You're very welcome for all that useless information which is mostly on the back of the package. I'm sure it was well received. Now here are a couple of Sapporo Ichiban ads:







So Japanese. But that's how noodle ads should be done, dammit! Anyways, I can't really get enough of these noodles and I might even make myself some after I finish writing this post. Yum. You should try 'em, they're good.

Final Score: 9.5/10

Okay, so... lethality. These are noodles. Let's be honest, they're a delicious snackish food. The worst you could do is feed them to someone who's allergic to wheat, causing a little bit of trouble and discomfort most likely. So... yeah.

Lethality: 0.1/10

Sorry it's been like 8 days since the last post. But it's not like I make money on this. I do what I can/feel like. Enjoy it for what it is.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Cat Vomit

Warning: Pretty gross... Don't read this if you have a really weak stomach.


Category: Vomit
Associated Animal: Cat
Number of Varieties: At least four

Well, there was inspiration for this topic, you'll be glad to know. I woke up this morning to find out that my cat had vomited on the kitchen floor and a couple sections of the stairs. This was pretty watery vomit (foamy but clear), so it wasn't so bad, and I was glad that it wasn't worse than it was. Now this watery vomit is new to me, so that's why I say there are at least four kinds of cat vomit. There's the all too common hairball, which is less vomit and more hair coughed up from being licked up and swallowed during the cat's "baths" (vomit #1). Here's a picture of a hairball:


That one is the least disgusting. I won't show you pictures of the other ones, you can just imagine them.

Vomit #2 is chunky vomit, which is (at least for my cat) somewhere between green and brown (it varies) and has chunks in it, surprisingly enough. Vomit #3 is regular vomit, which is fairly liquidy and viscous. It looks like normal vomit, more or less, except probably a deeper green or brown. But I suppose it depends on what the cat is eating. Vomit #4, which is newly discovered (for me anyways), is watery vomit. I'm sure cat vomit enthusiasts could have a heated debate over whether or not it constitutes actual vomit, but I'm not going to get into that...

There are probably other variations and sub-types of cat vomit, but these are the main kinds so far as I'm concerned. Here's a video of some cats vomiting! To intense classical music!



The song is "Requiem for a Dream", by the way. Anyways, as amazing as this video is, I must say that I'm not a huge fan of cat vomit. Especially when I have to clean it up. It's messy and disgusting, and the damn cats just walk away when they're done vomiting, so you know they don't give a rat's ass. Although hairballs are almost sort of cool and not that bad. But on the whole, not a fun thing.

Final Score: 1.5/10

As for the lethality of cat vomit, it wouldn't do much damage conventionally. Although I'm sure you could make somebody vomit pretty dang hard if you covered them in it or something, which would be really unpleasant. And I bet there's a lot of nasty bacteria and stuff in cat vomit from their stomachs that could get someone pretty sick if you forced them to eat it... though I'm not sure it could kill you. It would be really disgusting though.

Lethality: 3/10

P.S.: I told you this one would be more exciting than cardboard boxes! Maybe not in the way you would have liked... Oh well. If you didn't like this one, maybe you'll get lucky with the next.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Cardboard Boxes

Category: Storage Devices
Colour: Typically Brown
Possible Unorthodox Usage: Emergency Clothing

Such a useful item, when you think about it. Cardboard boxes have been around for god knows how long, and they have so much use in everyday society. They store everything for us, from cereal, to juice, to appliances, to dead bodies (hopefully not too commonly, it's kind of disrespectful), to pretty much whatever. Of course, different kinds of cardboard are used for different things, and I believe a wax inner lining is used for liquids and such. But at any rate, they're incredibly useful. Here's a picture of a standard cardboard box (as if it's really necessary):


Wow, it even depicts both completed and uncompleted stages of the box. I've compacted and made boxes a number of times, so it's a pastime I'm somewhat familiar with. Not the most fun pastime... Ah well. You know what is a fun pastime? Box forts. Ah, how so many of us used to make forts out of boxes. I was personally more into pillow forts in my day, but to each their own. Let's watch a video!



Okay, so it was mostly different angles of dweeby destruction of the fort, but there was techno music! Which is always fun. And the video was related, it had a box fort in it. So no misleadings. Which means you can trust me, unlike with my last post (I really hope you didn't take that one seriously, otherwise I'll have to laugh at you heartily in a jolly deep voice).

So yeah, much fun can be had with boxes, aside from all that practical usefulness stuff that everybody's always blathering on about. And just because I'm too lazy to dredge up facts and it's more fun for you guys, here's a video from How It's Made teaching you all about the invention and creation of the cardboard box. And, obviously... showing you how it's made.



So now you know some more stuff about cardboard boxes, the most interesting topic out there! They're useful, fun, and versatile. But they do get pretty soggy when wet, which sucks.

Final Score: 8.7/10

As for lethality, cardboard isn't the most painful material, though I've managed to get a few nasty papercuts from cardboard boxes somehow. Honestly, unless you smashed them up and crammed them in some kind of miniature cannon, I can't see them doing much damage. And of course that's not allowed or it doesn't count in this evaluation. You'd have to get really creative in order to kill someone with cardboard.

Lethality: 0.4/10

Hope you enjoyed it, and join me next time for something even more interesting, if you can fathom it.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Banana Bomb

Warning: A lot of this topic is not true (fabricated/embellished). Use your common sense so you don't make a fool of yourself or something.


Category: Explosive Fruit
Colour: Yellow (just like a banana...)
Sinister Characteristics: Incredibly Deceptive

The banana bomb is a very sinister weapon. While it's not clear exactly whether or not it's a serious weapon planned for use in the future by the military, it has been confirmed to have been used by worms in their miniature wars that they instigate among themselves on quite a regular basis. Of course these are very small banana bombs, and so are unlikely to be mistaken for bananas. But one created the size of a normal banana would be very deceptive and could potentially do a lot of damage, as they apparently have a larger explosive power and radius than a normal frag grenade. Here's an artist's rendition what a banana bomb might look like:


Now, you might say "But that looks like an ordinary banana!" A very astute observation. It does. But that's because the technology for the bomb part in use by the worms who war amongst themselves is designed to be situated inside the "peel" of the banana bomb. Rumour has it that the secret government agencies would be developing it in exactly the same fashion. That would be deceptive and deadly. Here's an example of it's use by worms (captured on a miniature hidden camera):



The image quality is not particularly good, and it's rather shaky. It was taken by an amateur, but the knowledge it gives us is invaluable. It appears that the explosion blew up explosive barrels, just like a normal explosive would. I suppose that's not surprising. But we should be careful; who knows when the military will be harnessing such deviously destructive power?

That said it is a very original idea, and one that would be quite beneficial to use of the army and special ops forces. But get it in the wrong hands, and major havoc could be caused.

Final Score: 7/10

As for lethality, what did I just talk about the whole time? It's more explosive than a grenade, and it's deceptive to boot. And deceptiveness factors in, as it increases the likelihood of being a victim of it. You could find this sitting on a table, try to peel it for some much needed Vitamin E and Potassium, then BOOM! You're missing your entire top half. If this becomes a staple of the world's armed forces, then we could be in for some serious trouble.

Lethality: 9/10

A bit of a different approach this time. Check out the Worms games, they're a good bit of explosive fun.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Avenged Sevenfold (A7X)

Category: Heavy Metal Band
Genres/Subgenres: Metalcore (early stuff), Heavy Metal, Hard Rock
Number of Band Members: 5 (Well, 4 as of James "The Rev" Sullivan's death)

Let me just say this first: Avenged Sevenfold is one of my favourite bands, and they originated in Huntington Beach, California. I've only been properly listening to them (beyond just playing their songs on Rock Band) for a couple of months (if that), but I'm quite addicted. They're very talented and impressive. And though they may sound slightly generic at first, after listening to a few songs you realize that they have quite the versatility within their genre, even touching on other genres in some songs.

The current band members are as follows: M. Shadows (Matthew Sanders) - Lead Vocals, Zacky Vengeance (Zachary Baker) - Rhythm Guitar and Backing Vocals, Synyster Gates (Brian Haner Jr.) - Lead Guitar and Backing Vocals, and Johnny Christ (Jonathan Seward) - Bass and Backing Vocals. You probably notice that there's no drummer. That's because The Rev (James Sullivan), their Drummer (again, also backing vocalist), died of a drug overdose in 2009. Here's a picture of the band:


Lots of tattoos. But yeah, Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan is the one on the far right, and he's obviously no longer in the band (due to death and all). Which is really too bad, because he was really talented. They're currently touring with Dream Theater's drummer Mike Portnoy who happily agreed to help them out. He also drummed for them during the recording of their latest album, Nightmare.

I'm sad to admit that I only have their latest three albums and not their first two, but it was their third album that launched them into popularity. So you can't really blame me. They've had a number of songs featured on Rock Band, and a couple in Guitar Hero I believe (but I don't play Guitar Hero), including "Afterlife", "Almost Easy", "Bat Country", "Critical Acclaim" and "Nightmare". But those are their more popular and well known songs. Don't get me wrong, they're great songs, but I'd like to share one of my favourite lesser known songs off of each of their last three albums.

So for their album Nightmare, one of my favourite songs is "Fiction". It's pretty atypical of them, considering there's no guitar or bass to speak of (instead being replaced with piano). But it's kind of a tribute to The Rev, and it's on the whole a great song. The haunting thing is that The Rev sings in it. I suppose they had voice recordings of him singing that they planned to use which they decided to include because of his death. Anyways, here it is:



One of my favourite songs off of their fourth, self-titled album (Avenged Sevenfold) is "Lost". It just tends to give me a great feeling whenever I'm feeling particularly depressed. It lifts up my spirits, you know? It may be about the fact that the human race has always done terrible things and is never going to stop (and all that jazz), but it kind of gives me a sense that everybody has issues. Which makes me feel like I'm not alone. Here's a video:



And the final song I'll share with you is one of my favourites off of their third album, City of Evil, entitled "Sidewinder". Don't have a lot to say about it really, aside from the fact that the last couple of minutes of the song (the acoustic [or at least acoustic sounding] guitar solo) are particularly awesome. But it's an all-round great song. Here it is:



So yeah. Great band, great songs, and I thoroughly recommend them and encourage you to check them out. And don't you dare judge until you've at least listened to 3 or 4 songs. Because they're awesome.

Final Score: 9.5/10

Now for lethality. These guys are a band, and they have a lot of tattoos and stuff, so... I would assume they could beat someone up? I don't know. We have to talk without weapons for this to be legit, but I'm sure they could beat someone to death if they put their minds to it. But then most small groups of people could.

Lethality: 2.5/10

P.S.: I was listening to Avenged Sevenfold the entire time I wrote this. Just in case it wasn't made clear enough before, they are in my opinion an incredibly talented and enjoyable band. You should really check them out. I can't stress it enough. Peace out.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Grenade Launchers (Man-Portable)

Category: Projectile Weapon
Ammo: Grenades (explosive)
Ammo Capacity: 6
Weight: 5.3 kg

Yay for explosives! So this little item is a handheld grenade launcher, with a "six-shooter" style ammunition chamber. I'm focusing on the Milkor MGL just because there are a number of types and this one looks pretty cool. It fires 40mm grenades (in quick succession if so desired), which go to cause a damn nice boom. It's mainly and/or officially used by Brazil, Colombia, Croatia, Peru, South Africa, Sweden, Taiwan, and, of course, the United States of America. Here's a photo:


Oh my. How intimidating. The MGL also comes with an Occluded Eye Gunsight you can see over nyah, and a sling, cleaning kit, and the ever important user's manual. Because honestly, you don't want to be cleaning or accidentally misusing your grenade launcher and accidentally blow off a limb. Or two. So let that be a lesson to you kids.

The MGL has been in service since 1983 and has been used in all sorts of wars including the Iraq war. Andries C. Piek was the designer of the weapon, and designed it as such in 1980. Here's a video from Future Weapons:



So yeah. A decent amount of versatility (see the video) and some luvverly explosions. But it does kill people, and not just "evil" people (for lack of a better word) since it's been used in wars that aren't particularly just... but there's misuse of this stuff in every war. So I've got to forgive it a bit. It is pretty dang cool.

Final Score: 9/10

As for the lethality, I believe I touched on that already. It'll blow off limbs, it fires fast, and it causes nice little explosions. Not the biggest explosions though, and obviously if you're incompetent with it then it won't be very useful. But it'll blow holes in most things, and stop a lot of things in their tracks. Definitely effective.

I wouldn't recommend trying to procure one, as I really don't think domestic use would be a very good idea. I mean, imagine trying to fight off an intruder with a grenade launcher... Well, I guess it would work pretty well to scare them off so long as you don't shoot. But you don't want to destroy your stuff. I think it's best if you defensive gun-loving types stick to your shotguns and whiskey.

Lethality: 8.8/10

And that was topic number two. Wow. But yeah. Same spiel. Comment, follow, blah blah blah. Just keep reading and let me know what you think.

Tomatoes

Category: Vegetable
Colour: Usually red, with some varieties being orange and yellow, and sometimes green (unripe?)
Size: Varies depending on variety

Alright, so today's topic is Tomatoes. It's the very first topic! We've officially passed the idea stage of this blog! Hooray for overcoming laziness! Now for a glorious visual to accompany the text:


Ah, delicious. Well, hopefully you've noticed that's not your average run-of-the-mill tomato. That one's enormous, has teeth, and appears to be kidnapping a woman and wreaking destruction. But you should know what a tomato looks like, and if you don't: Shame on you. (This will be a common occurrence by the way. The pictures, not the killer tomatoes. Ah, technology today; how I love you so.)

I personally love tomatoes. I'm not a huge fan of eating them straight (except for possibly cherry tomatoes), but I do love me some ketchup or tomato sauce. Honestly: Pasta wouldn't be the same without tomato sauce, and potatoes wouldn't be the same without ketchup. And to be fair, tomatoes make a pretty good ingredient in salad. So it's got some good food purposes.

They're also fun to throw at people, and though I haven't done so myself, I can say that a lot of latinos definitely have. I believe they actually have some event in Spain that is basically an entire day devoted to wasting tomatoes by throwing them at people. Essentially just a massive food fight. "La Tomatina", it's called. Here's a video:



So yeah, tomatoes are great as food (though I've met a number of people who don't like them), and also great fun to mash in people's faces with malicious (or not so malicious) intent. My conclusion is that they're a pretty damn good staple food in our society, and I don't want to see them go. What would we put on our french fries? Chocolate sauce? Horseradish? Bat guano? I'd rather stick with ketchup. Especially over the bat guano.

Final Score: 8.5/10

And now for the lethality portion of the topic! Unfortunately, tomatoes aren't a particularly violent item. You kind of just eat them. Or throw them at people. But it's not like they're painful if you get hit with them or anything. Unless they're rocks painted like tomatoes or something, but that doesn't count.

So I don't know. Short of drowning somebody in tomato juice, I can't really think of a decent way to make tomatoes lethal. Except maybe genetically mutating them to be like that tomato up there (see picture). But again, against the rules. They can't be unnaturally or drastically altered, or they don't count. So I'm afraid we're ending up with a pretty low score on this one.

Lethality: 0.3/10

So, that's your first taste of the blog! Let me know what you think by leaving a comment, and feel free to become a follower. I actually think this is a decent idea for a blog, correct me if I'm wrong. I may also make topics from your ideas if you'd like to post them in the comments section. Hope you enjoyed it, and there'll be more topics to come!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

First Post

Alright. Let's get down to business. You may be asking yourself (that is assuming you're reading this) "What in the flying monkey feces is this all about? It seems so random and pointless. What, is he just talking about random stuff merely for the amusement of both himself and possible readers?" My answer to you would be an astounding "Yes."

On this blog I'll be talking about and rating pretty much whatever I feel like at that time. Anything and everything. Whether anybody cares or not. So it'll make for some good laughs.

Oh, and how could I forget one of the best parts? Lethality. No matter what I'm talking about, I'll come up with some ideas and a rating for how lethal it could potentially be. Be it guns, fruit, or unusual time signatures. How deliciously all-over-the-place.

And that's basically it. That's what you're in for. So read on, if this interests you at all. I certainly hope it does. At least a little. Enjoy.